Wednesday, March 31

"i am a feminized she male sissymaid"

- you are talking to an internet.
"somewhere i can create my own virtrial baby so ican fewd here take her a bath just like a real baby"
"so i jacked the keys to her fathers car"
"don t make a black women take off her earrings"
"can a female doctor change her name?"

- no, only male doctors.
"how do i tell my cousin i want her?"
[advanced fetish search]

"she or her or girl or woman or female totally bald"
"my cat swallowed drain cleaner will she die"
"she asked me out then we stop talking to me"

- dude(s), you have serious problems.
"google your mum's yahoo while she facebooked myspace & if you ask jeeves it was wikipedia"
"women trapped with two seamen trying to have sex with her in sea"

Tuesday, March 30

"falling in love implies that you slid"
"free to use engienes that do your algebra 2 homework for you"
"shoes that kids can jump higher in"

Wednesday, March 24

"how do i hike in a leotard?"

- it's a good thing you have the internet to ask...

Tuesday, March 23

"how do i fix my fucking hair?"
"i really am turned on by my girl's bare feet & intense foot odor"
"can you make a lot of money reading emails?"
"is using obscence lanugauge a sin?"
"why do we have planets?"

Monday, March 22

"crystals that cleans your colon"
"puppy books that you can read on the enterneit"

- just... wow.
"free magic love spells that really work"
"rescue swimming puppy"

- 1. you have time to look online? 2. you don't need to rescue the puppy if it's swimming, ok?

[who are you talking to?]

"what do people find most annoying?"

- you just nailed it.
"if you had 5 friends how do you know which to choose"

"how big should my penis be if i am 13?"

Thursday, March 18

"signs that someone is smoking weed behind your back"
"how to dilate cervix at home"
"why does ex girlfriend talks to ex boyfriend a lot & she has a boyfriend?"

Wednesday, March 17

"wedding fur rentals"

- what's wedding fur?
"hoping i could learn a bit about give & take"
"how to sell drugs online"

Tuesday, March 16

"jesus deposits his seed"
"jesus give me more time don't let me die now"
"just give me jesus"
"how to fuck a cow"

- this search is from this site's log files - someone searched for this query on google, clicked on a link to this site (we've covered human-animal relations), and thus the searcher completes the cycle, coined by a colleague as the "perversion recursion".
"how to seduce mature single woman at work"
"things that float in the water"
"if a man gets breast implants & walks around without a shirt is ita crime"
"how to find out if you like it in the but if you are a guy"

[get off the internet]

"does it hurt to be stabbed"
"pee games how to"
"other public information"

- besides what?

Monday, March 15

"what is my hair color?"

- it's "get the fuck off the internet" color, ok?
"the prophet's hair analysis"
"batmobile vs. toyota"

Sunday, March 14

"why should I invest in iraqi dinar?"

- nobody said shit. who the fuck are you talking to?
"how to cure bad breath from decay"

- that's just fucking gross, and I've seen gross. I don't know or want to know about this "decay" that's somehow causing bad breath.
"10 reasons to love joe jonas"

- just double checking my answers.
"what is with cars with no hub caps?"
"how to make a lie detector for kids"

Friday, March 12

"what are 5 facts about pizza"
"the effects of eating 3 Lbs of nutmeg"

Thursday, March 11

"they don't want to get me out"
"what are good gang names?"
"i work so my cats can have a better life"
"how do you get dark green nail polish out the carpet without using the basic things"

Wednesday, March 10

"where can i buy a student day planner?"

- yeah, those things are impossible to find.
"how to write an essay as a cheeseburger"
"do prostitutes have lower levels of testosterone?"

Tuesday, March 9

"how to pick between two girls"
"my sister is in charge of my life"

Monday, March 8

"if uterus is smaller than your week"
"That's all i need to know about frogs thaks"
"if we colored something how do we make it vanish"
"if I use sperm to get regnant with out sex"
"if you use serton metals to maje electricity with fruit what will happen"
"if I quite my job with good reason"
"if we apply onionjuice how much time it will take to clean it"

- who's 'we' and what's 'it'?
"if it's not the breaker switch what can it be"
"if he's never had a girlfriend & i never had a boyfriend how do i signal him"
"if you put vicks up to your temples & it stings really bad what does that mean?"
"if he doesn't call you back right away after a date should i parinoid"

- yes, you should parinoid immediately.
"should I try to reason with a mentally ill"

Friday, March 5

"the best thing to do with my life from here on"
"getting rid of baby once you're one day pregnant"
"what is the story that barrack obama has his own flag?"
"what are 200 people in the world injured by every year?"

Thursday, March 4

"everyone knows its a long way to heaven"

- duuuh.
why is my lip swollen?
"god hates left handed people"
"if you drink too much water can it come out of your anus?"
"my sister is in charge of my life"

Wednesday, March 3

"what happens when you snort tylenol?"
"how to lose weight online"
"i sprayed some green onions with weed & grass killer are the onions safe to eat"
"how much is my stimulus?"
"my wife wants me find her a man"
"my spirit has died because i live with my mother"
"inventions not made"
"has any man had his testicals ran over by car?"

Tuesday, March 2

"my husband wants to dress up like a french maid"
"how to buy a mail order bride"

Monday, March 1

"i seen a video once of a mother calling a son to show his dick to siters friend"
"man masturbating on a unicycle"