Sunday, February 28

"Achilles Tendon Blog"

- apparently, there are several blogs exclusively dedicated to achilles tendons all over the world. that's gotta make tow truck owners feel like shit.
This is an interesting one because it improbably seems to not exist. The next time someone tells you there's a blog for everything, have them look this one up:

"tow truck owners blog"
Dumb Boolean Search of the Day:

"mini put game 'mini put' -html -www. -http//"

- I don't know what you weren't looking for, Search Master, but it may have just been easier to type what you WERE looking for.
"girls smelly feet and toes .com"

Friday, February 26

"if there is sperm in a hot tub can it gat you pregant"
"describe a beautyful woman in a dress"
"do romanian women make good wives?"
"how do i get barry manillow to sing for my moms birthday?"
"how to give yourself jaundice"
"what kind of dogs were used to hunt down the jews?"
"i want to cancel my membership"
"is keanu reeve's gay?"
"how much do you make out of a slab of crack cocaine?"
"search engine who can help me with questions about mental health"

- obviously.
"my son walks around with erections"

"my son wears my bras"
"is swallowing male semen healthy for women?"

- sure.
"how do i contact kiefer sutherland to send a birthday card to my daughter?"
"what is meant by riding the tea bags?"
"famous people that are muslims and are gods"
"can i be pregnant from fingering?"
"abusive gay husband reqeusts to see my father on his death bed"
"my wife loves to flash strangers"

Thursday, February 25

"eating the asphalt shingles"
"how to survive a depression with a great recipe for macaroni and tomatoes"
"my daughter is reading tarot pendulium very moody wearing black turned against her family"
"could i become a methodist minister?"

Wednesday, February 24

"how old is this clock?"
"famous assassinations of people nobody think about"
"is a fat or skinny labia more appealing?"
"can you use a breaker box as a light switch?"

Tuesday, February 23

"how long can middle-aged husband do without any sex?"
"surgeons remove 16 steel washers from man's 'nether region'"
"metabolism burning sensation"

- I don't think that's your metabolism.
"foreskin restoration mailing list"
"how can i send michael phelps a text message?"
"fastest way to threat a hole"
"why is bush sending aircraft carriers what is he going to do bomb the tsunami victims?"
"is his phone really dead?"

Monday, February 22

"herbs to buy so boyfriend will marry you"
"how are you supposed to discipline a seventeen month old to where they will understand? whippin?"

- yes. whippin.
"how to lose 200 pounds in two months"
"how to telaport"
"how can you get cheek dimples"
"how do penguins have fun"
"how to make testis bigger without surgery and pills and pumps"

Friday, February 19

[get off the internet]

"what type of mining did gold ruschers do?"
"a list of women who sleep with married men"
"list all horror movies from the 1980s involving teen girls"

- um... all of them?
"why so many people kiiled them self at the soccer world cup"
"how to make your mind work for you"

- because it's not right now?
"how to shave down there"
"my son keeps getting erections what do i do"
"home schooling my child hates it"
"how to make a homemade vagina- sock plastic bag"
"why does he still love the mother of his kids?"
"how to instantly enlarge my penis"

- instantly!

Thursday, February 18

"are cars built on friday bad cars?"
"how many people listen to music?"
"drinking vanilla extract alcohol to get drunk"
"is president obama rational?"
"other names for dogs"

Wednesday, February 17

"what makes hiv's feel better?"

- not calling them "hiv's"

[joo know what I think?]

"list of jewish american show business figures"

- very impressive work. you had two dots and you drew... a line! next week we'll do shapes!

[the children IS are future]

"reading to new born infant is the best way to help a learn in the future"
"children's disco parties in north england"


"what to expect when expecting- week one"

- i expect this will be a very, very long pregnancy.
"is divorce the right thing?"
"home remedies for dogs anal glands"

- just take him to the vet.
"i saw a man eating his heart"
"i think work is controlling my tv & computer"

- me too, buddy.
"heavy women human pony riding men"

[get off the internet]

"how would i look with blonde hair?"

- how the fuck should the internet know?
"polite ways to wear a kilt when sitting"
"why are my breasts getting bigger they get sucked a lot?"

- precisely.

Tuesday, February 16

"what is the problem in the amazon rainforest with the settlers?"

[busted your own self]

"took a drug test for marijuana came back negative will it be in my unborn baby"
"tell me a story of a schoolgirl being caned"
"trust me i'm a beauty therapist"

"trust me i'm a holiday rep"
"white people stole my car"
"i love hearing the responses to my artwork"

Monday, February 15

"why should women wear skirts to court?"
"eating your own sperm"
"how to pass a urine 5 panel dip drug test after using meth the night before"
"turbo-jet engines cannot be used for interplanetary space travel because"
"male gymnasts dealing with erections during competitions"
"crotch acne"

- i don't think that's acne.
"is virginity a requirement for marriage?"

Sunday, February 14

"how to pronounce violinist"

Friday, February 12

"how to become a hot fit guy"

- try harder.
"is it normal for a man to wear thong?"
The internet as a personal robot:

"i would like to decorate my home can you help"
"losing weight with crystal meth"

[grunt grunt... grr]

"learning french hard"
"how many hours is a charity event?"

Thursday, February 11

"where can i purchase a giraffe?"
"how do i get money fast from a philanthropist for help with bills?"

- i don't think "philanthropist" means what you think it means.
"should i divorce in missouri or kansas?"
"can you skip your period from pingering yourself?"
"what does it mean if dogs & cat like you?"

[get off the internet]

"the best point of using a water heater"

- out of all the other points.
"one girl at the boys party analysis"
"how to ask a friend to hang out without looking like you have no friend"
"what power ranger are you?"
"how to cum without jacking off"
"how to lose your virginity without using a prostitute"
"how to grow weed in a fridge"

[o, kannada]

"list of kannada songs"
"watering eyes head ache physical ailments point to psychic abilities"

- yeah. you're either psychic or allergic. But probably psychic.
"chinese names for dogs"

- Lunch.
"a list of all food"

Wednesday, February 10

"how to find out who my husband is talking to on his cell without downloading anything into his cell"

- yes, this could be *your* wife.
"how to kill umpire"
"can a horse driving a car?"
"when swinging turns to cheating"
"how to have sex with a female"

- a female what?
"do catholics go to hell"

- all of them. except the handicapped catholics.
"how to get rid of rats the old-fashioned way"

[who's we?]

"why do we say denial is not just a river in egypt?"
"will there be pine trees in heaven?"
"girl vs. car"
"ex jews for jesus"

- ex how? ex-jew, or ex-for-jesus?

Tuesday, February 9

"how to roll a joint with computer paper"

- i think you're high enough. get off the internet.
"how to make pipe boombs"
"list of gay people"
"are my outdoor garden lights connected to my sprinkler system?"

- how the fuck should anyone know THAT? Go outside, dig, and get the fuck off the internet.
"can i become a police officer if i have depth perception?"
"increase semen volume power mobility"

"does eating more nutrition affect iq rates?"
"what does it mean when it say that my colon is redundant?"

-I think it say that *you* are redundant.
"neutering cats can it be done yourself"
"how to levitate objects free"

- because I won't pay for supernatural powers, ok?
"how to say i m proud of you"
"how to write 1500 words on maya angelou"

- only 1,492 left.
"how to tell if a man is good in bed"
"putting lemon in my water willit blech my skin?"

- yup. it'll also make you spell better.
"what does people do while the visit people in england?"
"will you swear on your life that no one will cry at my funeral?"

Sunday, February 7

"exercises to decrease height"

Saturday, February 6

"clint eastwood date of death"

Friday, February 5

"what happens if you spray body spray in your ear?"
"deer hunting divas"

- Field & Stream started this search.

[search of the month]

"if an infant inhales a peanut into the lung does that cause cancer?"


Thursday, February 4

"puppy hasn't pooped for hours"

- you want it to be less often than that?
"can a convicted felon be a fashion designer?"

Wednesday, February 3

"free list of people giving away free money"

Tuesday, February 2

"free kill people games no cost"
"can we marginlize our christian faith?"

what does that even mean?
"breeding black women with whie men"
"what are the things to talk when you are around a women from a man?"
"how to date a girl in a chinese restaurant"
"why asian women stare into mens eyes"
"books dealing with math and frogs for children"
"how much does it cost to go bankrupt"