Tuesday, September 29

"i think we should call for dna tests for everyone in the entertainment field yikes everyone of them jew"
"is porto rico part of spain?"
"is mexico part of US?"
"i got mouths in my bath room how do i get rid of them"

Monday, September 28

"bette midler only in miami"

- let's keep it that way
"discovering god's way of handling money"

Saturday, September 26

"Location of Hoover Dam in Columbus Ohio"

Waaaaaay off.
"women who wear diapers in ohio"
"Rights I Have to Remain Friends With Someone Who Has Bipolar Disorder"
"babies fetus soup"
"how to address a child who touches themselves"

"is there anyone who hates hilary duff?"

- I can't imagine who or why.

Friday, September 25

"fake bull balls"

grab a pair!
"how can i cause temporary impotence?"
"when it is ok to say omg?"
"what would a toddler be confused about?"

obviously you're so much smarter than a toddler.
"do dolphins suffer back pain?"
"the woman taking sculpture is not taking italian" ... probably a lack of morals.
"women lack morals" ... obviously.

Wednesday, September 23

"greta van susteren what is wrong with her face"
"how to divorce your mail order bride & does she have to go back home"
"how to divorce your mail order bride"

Tuesday, September 22

"is there a mathmatical system for picking the correct lootery numbers?"
"is it illeagle to threaten rape over phone?'
"how do i ejaculate farther?"

Saturday, September 19

"symbols that mean campbell"
"good names that start with south"

... waziristan! right?
"i'm sick of writing songs that make you think you're so special"

Thursday, September 17

"approaching my phillipeno female doctor"
"my white male neighbor is dating a black women"
"casting a binding spell for wife abuser"
"how was being born affected my life?"
"reasons why smoking is good for you"
"ashley is gay"

Wednesday, September 16

"can stagnant water be used as combustible fuel?"
"crying because of virginity"
"breathing mouse urine"
"what i need to know about honduras"

...that kind of depends, no?
"is there an invention made to see what cats are saying?"
"inventions not yet invented"

a brilliant way to stay ahead.
"interviewing techniques for 4-H"

really? is it that hard or important?
"deer hunting with jesus"
"another hanging in singapore"

there goes the neighborhood...
"catching a glimpse of mothers pubic hair"

Tuesday, September 15

"how can i flash my tits on my webcam?"

Really? You can't figure this one out?
"how to spread salmonella"
"did you seriously just stomp your foot i thought girls only did that on tv"
"is mariah caray getting fatter?"
"how to find out who i am & what i stand for"
"did they have pizza in medieval times?"

[survey says!]

"the average breast size for each country"

[god will provide and decide]

"affairs with pastors how much of it is your fault"


"did i just say my client was liable?"
"when is it okay to use medical abbreviations and who should use them and why?"

Monday, September 14


"something you shout that starts with the letter M"

Sunday, September 13

"rhyming words dealing with the ground zero"

There's been enough suffering without rhyming.
"Retelling a Story + Too Many Tamales"

Friday, September 11

"sorry i didnt buy the car"
"can i be a hot black teen male model" . .
dream big, america.

Thursday, September 10

[nailed it]

"Is Homosexuality a Spirit?"
"Is Fiber One a Good Card?"
"does carols daughter use food coloring?"

- I knew that bitch was faking it.

Wednesday, September 9

[it's like rain. on your wedding day.]

"what does it mean to be literate?"
"are pyramids illegal?"

[nothing to see here, folks]

"is it bad to lick he screen of a psp while you masturbate?" Bad?

[settle a huge bet]

"huge clitorist" - like a giant collector of clitori?

damnit, now you made me look up "plural of clitoris." Lucky for you readers, I did the search for you (i'm your porn filter jesus), so your boss doesn't think you're a sick fuck waste of HR warnings.

Body part
Original lang. Plural in original
Plural in English
Clitoris Greek Clitorides Clitorises
Vagina Latin Vaginae Vaginas
Vulva Latin Vulvae Vulvas
Penis Latin Penes Penises
via http://marnanel.org/R2491858

Opinions are all over the place and I really don't care enough to hunt down an authority (a clitorist!) to find out, but in case this is settling some sort of bad scrabble bet, it doesn't. Some other internets will show you clitoris, clitorides, clitori, etc.

I recommend going to the Vulvapedia on VaginaPagina.com for a true expert analysis.

"huge clitorist" - any illustrators on this internet?

[oh my word, never!]

"would you let a single friend of the opposite sex stay in your house?"

and by "you", you mean Google? you're really asking a search engine what It would do if a single friend of the opposite sex of COMPUTER was staying in ITS HOUSE?

get off the internet. you're cut off.
"how often does president bush have a bowel movement in a day?"

[what's your angle?]

"what happens when you commit suicide?"

Tuesday, September 8


"who is adolf hitler?"


"famous cows in history"

[who's shirley?]

"Get Out of the Bath Shirley"

Monday, September 7

[get off the internet]

"Is There Hope for a Sagittarius & a Cancer?"

check again later.

Sunday, September 6

[my bad]

"did you just put your balls in my sandwich?"

sorry. my fault.
"colorblind how to become"

Dream big, kid.

[brilliant idea]

"should kids be able to own a rifle?"

what could go wrong?


"can a cow give birth to a human?"
"can suck myself?"

Saturday, September 5

[who's the tool?]

"is there a radio station that plays just tool?"

probably. but shut the fuck up.

[google can't see you. yet.]

"is this an alternator bolt?"
"Where is 2pac today?"

[maybe because you're a scary mofo]

"why would a girl say your scaring her?"
"why did santa pick reindeer instead of pigs?"
"why do i like to show naked pictures of my wife?"

Friday, September 4

"are there any good rape jokes?"

[get your beat on]

"why women laugh at men getting beaton by a women"

[whatever you do, don't write it]

"what i should say to the federal sentencing judge to appolizize for my misconduct?"

I recommend saying "sorry" and not "I appolizize."
"intern clinics to perform tummy tucks"
Great Idea!
"are christian aliens evil?"


"are pregnant women considered two people in carpool lanes?"

Thursday, September 3

[i know what you mean]

"watermelon makes me hungry for something thats not food"

[yes, people search for this]

"jobs for stupid people"
"what did i buy?"
"Who Deals With Sensory Overload?"

[make tea?]

"what is the first thing you do when you purchase a antique teapot?"

[get off the tv]

"calories burned watching tv"

[oxymoron alert]

"unknown facts about the great wall of china"

Wednesday, September 2

"my dad is fixing to spank me stories"
"what does 'word up' mean?"
"need to know if dan rather news man is living or deceased"
"is bush drinking again?"

[when do we leave?]

"swine flu flights to new york"

book it!


"laos + massage + happy ending"

equals...? the suspense is killing me.

[you had me at 'one thing']

"there is one thing i ask of the lord"

go on....

[is this a metaphor?]

"How to Get More Estrogen & Less Testosterone"

Tuesday, September 1

[very dark]

"Very Dark Very Romantic Restaurant in Chicago"

[someone please get HR]

"how to deal with psychic harassment from mind reading witches"