[google that!]

"largest object stuck in rectum"

[awkward at best]

"lap dance in the train"

[dissenting opinions]

"lil wayne is the best rapper alive"
"lil wayne is not the best rapper alive"

[ridiculous]

"lifestyle & eating habits of a mollusk"
"lifestyle & eating habits of a clam"

Lifestyle?

[make it stop]

"accessing your head voice"

[it knows]

"20 questions how does it know?"

[you dare challenge the internets?]

"20 reasons why i should go to georgia"

[twenty?]

"20 reasons why a cucumber is better than a man"

[really? 98? You won't be happy with 5?]

"98 reasons why it is better to be a girl"

[no more, no less]

"112 gripes about the french"

[i can't name even one]

"135 famous women with plumber's butt"

"abortions with parsley"

[pathetic]

"abercrombie is my life"

[do your fucking homework]

"a chart on food eaten before 1842 in china"

[your brains?]

"what are those little squigely things calld?"

[get off the internet]

"dog tee shirts makes me look fat"

"what is a butt whole?"

[hard boiled]

"convict eggs"

[i hate when they do that]

"why do catholics do that?"

[date night]

"boyfriend and girlfriend switching bodies"

[actually a good question]

"What eats the cheetah?"

[whatever]

"i'm a straight married man who loves massaging my prostate"

[totally by accident!]

"bi guys cum landed on my cock"

oh, is that what happened?

[whose?]

"the history of virginity"

[stupid nintendogs]

"my dog won't learn their name on nintendogs best friends"

[the day myspace dies]

"wont to use webdings font on my myspace name how"

[communist]

"Is amy against individualism?"

[tastes like chicken still]

"How to make chicken taste like tofu"

[cougar care]

"How to make money helping lonely ladies"

[settle down, wonder woman]

"how to make sleeping gas"

[nah]

"will my doctor know i'm pregnant?"

[nobody, even google, cares]

"i'm not emotionless in fact i broke my wrist"

Even if -whatever- that doesn't make any sense.

[even google can't help with this one]

"i'm looking for my glasses & car keys"

[google the hate]

"can't stand my 17 year old stepdaughter"

[sounds self-evident to me]

"how to make me into a sissy by hypnosis"

[get off the plane]

"will my hair straighteners work in mexico?"

[awwww...]

"jesus holding a baby photo"

[words of drippy wisdom]

[drinking women milk is good for husband]

I have no idea if that is about husbands drinking their wives' breastmilk, or what.

[words of fatty wisdom]

"bacon makes your hair grow faster"

[nice]

"3th biggest cruise ship in the world"

[me, me, me]

Words that indicate terrible searches: I, me, my, this, here and tomorrow.
This week is all about ME. Stay tuned.

[no one is listening to me!]

"my three month shi poo puppy is constipated"

[mmm... corn chips]

"my ballerina flats smell like corn chips"

[specifically]

"Where to buy eyebrow wax for cross dressers?"

[wtf]

"can my husband strip my membranes to induce labor?"

[yessir]

"find me fre virus protection for my computer now"

[no shit]

"combs won't cut my dog's hair"

do you know what a comb is? seriously.

[um... no]

"sex change pills for sale"

[big pennis]

"pennis enlargement pills gyaranteed"

[very important]

"mint chocolate chip ice cream invented by"

"planet jupiter is made of pastry cream"

[bad idea]

"hair removal sand paper"

[we can't stop talking, Precious]

"we're pregnant men can't get pregnant"

[piss on this]

"websites that have free pregnancy tests"

[me too!]

"looking for black plastic surgeons for butt implants"

[ooh, good question]

"vampire bat why drink blood?"

[bad diagnosis]

"need prayer for a terrible toothache"

[no shit]

"my dog is vomiting & it smells"

[i'm not a doctor, but...]

"How to Use Pornography for Treating Erectile Dysfunction"

[blame it on the rain]

"Erectile Dysfunction Caused by Weather"

[?]

"smelling girls feet will it hurt you in any way"

[but there's nothing i can do]

"i'm fat & my joints hurt"

[see #1]

"hit head now i am dizzy why"

[perversion recursion]

time for some meta-hilarity: the keyword searches used to find this site.

granted, this site comes up high in Google rankings for thinks like "varginas" or "traffic cone porn" because we deal with these kinds of things on a regular basis, but I'm still surprised by how many people are looking for things that I thought were more one-off type of searches (I had no idea how many people are looking to knock other people out with household chemicals).

here's a sample of some interesting queries from the last 30 days that got people here; suffice it to say, most were probably very, very dissapointed.

Keyword	Visits
how to knock someone out with chemicals	7
dogs that look like hitler	5
knock someone out chemicals	5
varginas	5
how to knock someone out without hurting them	4
dogs that look like benji	3
how to knock someone out with household items	3
gangsta way to tie shoes	2
can u get pregnant by fingering	2
cone in pussy	2
hairy girls	2
traffic cone in pussy	2
traffic cone porn	2
christian vitamins	1
dogs that look like hitler	1
eat scotch tape	1
how to fuck a chicken	1
how to fuck a dog	1
are guys that like female bodybuilders gay?	1
asian girl fucks traffic cone porn	1
best medicine to knock someone out for sex	1
british girls and indian men	1
can i get pregnant if i swallow ?	1
can u get pregnant if suck a dick	1
can you get pregnant from other animals	1
can you get pregnant if you swallow	1
can you get pregnant when you suck a dick	1
crystal enemas	1
do american men find iranian women attractive	1
do british chicks like indian guys	1
do chinese find americans attractive	1
do japanese women find black men attractive	1
do women find men with big ears attractive?	1
facebook manage two girlfriends	1
filipina women persian men	1
gayt&t	1
girl kicking guys in the balls	1
girls breaking guys balls	1
girls kicking guys in the balls and dick	1
household chemicles that can be used to knock someone out	1
how to knock out someone without hurting them	1
how to knock somebody out with some chemicals	1
how to knock someone out and have sex with them	1
how to knock someone out to have sex with them	1
how to knock someone out with a pill	1
how to knock someone out with one touch	1
how to knock someone out without hurting	1
how to knock someone out without touching them	1
how to knockout someone without hurting them	1
just sucking a dick can u get pregnat	1
kicking guys in the balls	1
knock someone out instantly	1
mydogdoesme.com	1
oldermen gay femboys	1
penis in high heel shoe	1
shingles should i go to work	1
small dogs that look like bolt	1
spanking filipino women	1
traffic cone pron	1
traffic cone up pussy	1
trafic cone in pussy	1
what do japanese men find attractive	1
what physical features do white men like in black women	1
who find a persian women attractive	1
why do women find tall men more attractive	1
why does my rabbit poop on my bed	1
woman pregnant dogsperm	1
women physical features mexican men like	1

[stat!]

"how to build a robot fast"

"How to tie yourself up with socks"

[go back to school]

"Can Chewing Gum Makes Ribs Stick Out?"

[i'd rather eat the yams]

"10 Can of Yams & Get 3 Spurs Tickets Free"

[Canine Net User or Retard?]

"Clothes of Dogs With Good Bargain"

"Can Vegetarians Eat Venus Fly Traps?"

[stupid shit]

"Can an Orange Tree Grow From a Lemon Seed?"

[zip. zilch. zero.]

"Would a 1934 Hundred Dollar Bill Be Worth Anything?"

[the horror!]

"how could some popcorn kernels not pop?"

"should bono grow his hair out?"

[get off the internet]

"i am a cancer sign how can i stop taking things so personal"

"How Does a Defibrillator Affect a Beer Machine?"

[yoink]

"How Do I Give Myself a Wedgie?"

[wwjp]

"can men to play sports games according to the bible?"

[i make you sad]

"depression caused by a controlling person"
"depression caused by a narcissistic"
"depression caused by blingo"
"depression caused by ergonomics"
"depression caused by favorite sibling"
"depression caused by infections"
"depression caused by jews"
"depression caused by media"
"depression caused by specific incident"
"depression caused by teen car crashes"
"depression caused by workplace"

[withenemas.com]

"the best way to clean out your colon.com"

"God Smoking the Bong"

"God don't care what it looks like"

right. unless "it" is adam & steve... I really do wonder what the hell this person is talking about, though.

[witty haters]

"god created adam & eve not adam and steve"

[T-H-I-S much]

"how much percentage is in the world of internet?"

[last refuge for ethics]

"How to trick a guy to get pregnant is wrong?"

[the last refuge for advice]

"my husband wants to wear baby dresses"

[square dance]

"What did people do before the airplane was invented?"

"what did romans eat for lunch?"

[take 5]

"how to use a fucking bowflex"

[before WHAT]

"what did the venus fly trap look like before?"

"What did ruby eat for dinner last dinner?"

[little debbie does...]

"The Worlds Smallest Porn Star"

"Explaining to a Alien How to Play Football"

[needs to be asian?]

"Asian Girls Forced to Eat Out Cows Ass"

[b-aarff!]

"Clothes to Buy for Humans That Have Dogs on Them"

[ok!]

"going in the garden to eat worms"

"How Much Does it Cost to Go Bankrupt"