"You know the way to the place where I am going." Thomas said to him, "Lord, we don't know where You're going. So how can we know the way?" Jesus answered him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one goes to the Father except through Me.If you have known Me, you will also know my Father. From now on you know Him through Me and have seen Him in Me." -- John 14:4-7
As far as i know (and I'm no Christian), 'Me' does not equal Google. Get off the internet and go back to church.
Tuesday, June 30
[google. the new jesus]
"what should i do with my life Lord?"
similar searches ~
advice,
all about me,
jesus,
religion
Monday, June 29
Sunday, June 28
Friday, June 26
[ok, last MJ searches]
"what type of shampoo does michael jackson use?"
"what instruments can michael jackson play?"
"what is michael jackson doing now?"
"what is so good about michael jackson?"
"where is michael jackson now?"
"what instruments can michael jackson play?"
"what is michael jackson doing now?"
"what is so good about michael jackson?"
"where is michael jackson now?"
[damn straight]
"michael jackson is not a genre of music"
similar searches ~
declarations,
mj,
music
Thursday, June 25
[more MJ!]
"i want michael jackson to rape me"
"I want to be raped by michael jackson"
"I want to be raped by michael jackson"
similar searches ~
mj
[already drunk]
"when i drink alone i like to be by myself"
similar searches ~
all about me,
declarations,
drinking
[with you or against you]
"why do i like to eat scotch tape?"
"why do i like asians?"
"why do i like dancing?"
"why do i like asians?"
"why do i like dancing?"
similar searches ~
all about me,
asians,
fetish,
syndrome,
wants and needs
[NSFW again]
"can a dog fuck a woman?"
"can a man fuck a dog?"
"can a woman fuck a horse?"
"can you fuck a dog?"
"can a man fuck a dog?"
"can a woman fuck a horse?"
"can you fuck a dog?"
well, CAN you?
[tech breakthrough!]
"will an airplane take off on a treadmill"
similar searches ~
impossible,
weird science
Wednesday, June 24
[very, very NSFW]
all i can say is... wow.
"how to fuck a car"
"how to fuck a cat"
"how to fuck a chicken"
"how to fuck a couch"
"how to fuck a cougar"
"how to fuck a cow"
"how to fuck a dildo"
"how to fuck a dog"
"how to fuck a dog in the ass"
"how to fuck a dog man"
"how to fuck a fixed dog"
"how to fuck a girl dog"
"how to fuck a dolphin"
"how to fuck a duck"
"how to fuck a granny"
"how to fuck a horse"
"how to fuck a lady"
"how to fuck a liberal"
"how to fuck a mare"
"how to fuck a melon"
"how to fuck a taurus"
"how to fuck a teacher"
"how to fuck a watermelon"
"how to fuck a car"
"how to fuck a cat"
"how to fuck a chicken"
"how to fuck a couch"
"how to fuck a cougar"
"how to fuck a cow"
"how to fuck a dildo"
"how to fuck a dog"
"how to fuck a dog in the ass"
"how to fuck a dog man"
"how to fuck a fixed dog"
"how to fuck a girl dog"
"how to fuck a dolphin"
"how to fuck a duck"
"how to fuck a granny"
"how to fuck a horse"
"how to fuck a lady"
"how to fuck a liberal"
"how to fuck a mare"
"how to fuck a melon"
"how to fuck a taurus"
"how to fuck a teacher"
"how to fuck a watermelon"
[wtf]
"the most popular guys name when dating who is only out for one thing"
you've got some serious issues. get off the internet and figure them out.
similar searches ~
ambiguous,
crystal balls,
OMG,
superlatives,
wtf
[now who's laughing?]
"that nigger obama will never be president"
similar searches ~
african american,
assholes,
celebrities,
impossible,
obama,
pioneers,
stereotypes
Tuesday, June 23
[you can't just use words]
"how does ethics affect the price of a stock"
i don't think you know what ethics, price, or stock really mean. I mean, this *sounds* like a legitimate question, and i'm not mad at our algorithm for finding it, i'm just mad that so many people are retarded and they're all allowed on the internet.
similar searches ~
wtf
[i know how you feel]
"She forgot my mother fucken fries"
similar searches ~
all about me,
declarations,
food
[omg, seriously]
"why would courtney really hire a private investigator & not look herself?"
similar searches ~
crystal balls,
jobs,
OMG
Monday, June 22
[who are you talking to]
"why do you think honesty is the best policy?"
similar searches ~
superlatives
[roots]
"why did african americans migrate to america?"
"why do african americans get nose jobs?"
"why can african americans jump so high?"
'Migrate'? Like, "Hey, Levar Kunta-Kinte Burton! Let's take a cruise to America and be slaves! For white people! On plantations!"? Please. Go back to school for just ONE day, ok? for me?"why do african americans have big lips?"
"why do african americans get nose jobs?"
"why can african americans jump so high?"
similar searches ~
african american,
amounts,
body,
education,
stereotypes
[why are you retarded]
"Why Is the Redwood Tree Considered a National Park?"
similar searches ~
nature,
schmendrick
[yeah, why]
"Why Do Japanese Woman Hate Black Men?"
similar searches ~
african american,
japan,
men,
women
Sunday, June 21
[why, why, why]
"Why Are Rubber Ducks Yellow?"
"Why Does My Rabbit Poop on My Bed?"
"Why Are People Obesity?"
"Why Are Rats Still a Problem Today?"
"Why Businesses Use Email"
"Why Meth Making Feet Swell Up"
"Why Do Cars Freeze First?"
"Why Does the Color of My Coffee Match Your Eyes?"
"Why Do Pilgrims Go on Pilgrimages?"
"Why I Love Flowers"
"Why Does My Rabbit Poop on My Bed?"
"Why Are People Obesity?"
"Why Are Rats Still a Problem Today?"
"Why Businesses Use Email"
"Why Meth Making Feet Swell Up"
"Why Do Cars Freeze First?"
"Why Does the Color of My Coffee Match Your Eyes?"
"Why Do Pilgrims Go on Pilgrimages?"
"Why I Love Flowers"
[lyrics?]
"she only likes me for my willy my willy really turns me on"
similar searches ~
declarations,
penis
Friday, June 19
[oh, magic internet genie]
"should i bet on the celtics tonight?"
similar searches ~
advice,
all about me,
gambling,
money,
sports
[knock ourselves out]
"should we wonder what heaven will be like?"
similar searches ~
god,
philosophy,
religion
[enough with the anal]
"relife form anal fissher"
I like how 'anal' is the only word spelled correctly.
I like how 'anal' is the only word spelled correctly.
Thursday, June 18
Wednesday, June 17
[sure, ask a machine]
"is any body willing to add me as your friend?"
similar searches ~
all about me,
OMG
Tuesday, June 16
[superWHAT]
"how much super do i need?"
"how much super should i have?"
"how much super should i have?"
superWHAT? superglue, superbness, superficiality? superfluousnesses?
similar searches ~
amounts,
crystal balls
[i'll field this one]
Q: "What Could Cause a Stabbing Pain in the Lower Leg?"
A: a stabbing
A: a stabbing
similar searches ~
cause and effect,
health
[backed by real news]
"how to avoid waking up in a morgue"
I saw that search a while ago, but then yesterday i saw this:
Polish Woman Wakes Up in Morgue
An 84-year-old woman, declared dead by a doctor in central Poland, woke up in a morgue as morticians were preparing her for a funeral, doctors said.
maybe our searcher was on to something...
Monday, June 15
[oh, please...]
"How to Climb the Side of a Wall With Rope Like a Ninja"
similar searches ~
how to,
impossible
[just ONE]
"a famous person in argentina"
"a famous person in china"
"a famous person in france"
"a famous person in japan"
"a famous person in china"
"a famous person in france"
"a famous person in japan"
Sunday, June 14
[you need to ask this for...?]
"Should I bring crutches?"
similar searches ~
advice,
ambiguous,
crystal balls,
wtf
Saturday, June 13
Friday, June 12
[thanks for asking]
"should men wash hands after urinating?"
nah, i'm pretty sure the penis is the cleanest part of the body. go finish making my burger, ok?
[no, you can't]
"and I could write a song a hundred"
apparently, you can't even do that, so stop bragging about your song writing prowess to a search box, ok?
similar searches ~
all about me,
declarations,
schmendrick
[you're dumb]
"should i go to work with shingles?"
yeah. and you should volunteer at the nursing home, and maybe spend more time in your kids' classroom. while you're out, go to the supermarket and man-handle the produce.
similar searches ~
advice,
health,
schmendrick
Thursday, June 11
Wednesday, June 10
Tuesday, June 9
Monday, June 8
[definitely]
"Should I Feel Guilty About Having to Take Ritalin?"
similar searches ~
advice,
all about me,
crystal balls,
drugs
[is this a 2nd grade joke i forgot?]
"What color was george washington's white horse?"
similar searches ~
wtf
[kinda depends...]
"should i not wear underwear to school tomorrow?"
and no, that title pun was completely unintended.
similar searches ~
advice,
crystal balls,
OMG,
underwear
[in this issue of Bunny Monthly]
"is a bunny the right pet for me test?"
similar searches ~
all about me,
animals,
crystal balls
Sunday, June 7
"Should I Marry a Chinese Woman?"
similar searches ~
advice,
all about me,
chinese,
crystal balls,
marriage
[get off the internet]
"I'm Brunette Should I Go Blonde?"
similar searches ~
crystal balls,
girls,
hair,
OMG
Saturday, June 6
"what color eyes look better on a black woman grey or green"
similar searches ~
african american,
color
[noooo!]
"the lifetime movie premier what color is love did not come on on january 18 2009"
similar searches ~
declarations,
help,
TV
[get off the internet, mom]
"what color should a teenage girl paint her room?"
similar searches ~
advice,
crystal balls,
mother
[not anymore]
"you want to know if the average IQ of schizophrenics is 100"
similar searches ~
crystal balls,
declarations
Friday, June 5
Thursday, June 4
Wednesday, June 3
[more on blacks]
"black people are mean"
"black people need to get off their butts & work"
"black people problems 80s"
"black people need to get off their butts & work"
"black people problems 80s"
similar searches ~
african american,
stereotypes
[we don't know black]
"do black people come from antigwa?"
"did black people come from adam & eve?"
"do canadians date black people?"
"do black people go to college?"
"do black people hate animals?"
"did black people come from adam & eve?"
"do canadians date black people?"
"do black people go to college?"
"do black people hate animals?"
similar searches ~
african american,
animals,
canada,
stereotypes
[the case for sex ed]
"can u get pregnant if he cumms in you?"
"can u get pregnant from fingering?"
"can you get pregnant while wearing clothes?"
"can you get pregnant from precum soaked through a condom?"
"can u get pregnant in a jacuzzi?"
"can u get pregnant from swallowing?"
"can u get pregnant from fingering?"
"can you get pregnant while wearing clothes?"
"can you get pregnant from precum soaked through a condom?"
"can u get pregnant in a jacuzzi?"
"can u get pregnant from swallowing?"
Tuesday, June 2
Monday, June 1
[in chinese, the word for symptom also means cure]
" signs and symptoms of car not turning over"
i just don't get this.
similar searches ~
schmendrick
[good question to ask the internet]
"why am I getting a phd?"
similar searches ~
crystal balls,
education
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