Thursday, April 30

the internet is the best/worst thing ever]

"Eating a penguin"

[just. wrong.]

"Free Online Dating Site for Kids"

Wednesday, April 29

[what are you doing at 3?]

"Where Can I Have Surgeons Practice on Me?"

[nitr-ass oxide, the spanking gas]

"How to Not Cry When Getting Spanked"

[please, mum, can we keep him?]

"Autism Child to Play With"


"Chinese Eating Baby Fetus"


"Female Iron Underwear in History"

[google knows everything]

"How Close Is the Church Rapture?"

[i can't wait to see yours]

"How a Normal Vagina Looks"

[bless this mess]

"House Made From Bales of Hay"
"House Made Out of Diamonds"
"House Made Out of Nintendo DS"

[is our children reading?]

"College Class Speech on Why Friends Are Important"

[good luck with that]

"Coffee Enema & Brain Tumor"

[lay off it, man]

"Coffee Taste Like Bleach After Cleaning Pot With Bleach"

[when i grow up, i'm wanna be a stripper]

"high heel shoes for babies"

[damn good question]

"Why Accounting"

[i can't make fun of this]

"Toys Are Us Bikes Foare Disabled Childareen"

Monday, April 27

[we hold these truths to be self-evident]

"Why Fat People Shouldn't Bungee Jump"

[poop free]

"What Is the Longest a Person Has Been Constipated?"

[up yer butt]

"Where Can I Listen to Farts?"

[get off the internet]

"Who Invented Ranch Dressing?"

[spidey sense picking up chatter]

"Why Tobey Maguire Is 5 Foot 8"

[only after labor day]

"When Is it OK for Men to Wear High Heels?"

"When Will Men Wear High Heels?"
And because it's not only a matter of 'if,' but 'when':
"Why Men Like to Wear High Heels"
"Why Men Love High Heels"
"Why Men Wear High Heels"

Sunday, April 26


"What Website Is Good for College Majors?"
I don't think this person knows what 'website', 'college' or 'majors' means at all. This question may as well have been written like this: "why is elephant good for refrigerator jupiter?"

[spidey sensitive]

"What Tobey Maguire - Do You Got a Problem?"

[it all started one beautiful winter morning...]

"The History of the Vegetable Peeler"

[do you have a vagina or not?]

"bacterial vaginitis in men"

[75 watts of edisonian revisionism]

"African American Who Invented the Light Bulb"

Saturday, April 25

[all of them?]

"Need Facts on Famous Movie Stars That Do Drugs"

[mo' meta]

More search terms that people typed and found this site, subsequently allowing the site to feed itself. It's a sick, sick world out there. I love/hate it.
  • busting guys balls
  • can sanitizer knock someone out
  • do black celebraties go tanning
  • do japanese find black girls attractive
  • do japanese men find hispanic girls attractive
  • do japanese women like hairy men
  • gay men find asians attractive
  • girls who kick guys in the balls
  • heels in pussy
  • how to make a fake vagina
  • percentage of women that find bald men attractive
  • sekstube
  • she's not attracted to you
  • stinky high heels
  • what do japanese women find attractive
  • what physical features do indian men find attractive
  • what physical features do women find attractive
  • why do caucasian men like filipino women
  • wtf are you talking about

Friday, April 24

[we told you to buy the service plan]

"Rabbit Bleeding From Penis After Neuter"

[this are strainge, even fore teh unedukayted]

"Is Most Kids Who Bully Are Getting Beaten at Home?"


"Do Therapist Spank for Stress Relief of Their Patients?"

[because eight isn't enough]

"10 Signs That My Female Friend Is Bisexual"

[just buy the damn tube of monostat}

"Using Garlic for Yeast Infection"

[patience, bald jedi. patience]

"how to make my hair grow faster im a boy"

This is really one of the most common search queries that I see. Not the "i'm a boy" part, but the "make hair grow faster" part.

Thursday, April 23

[who is mr. sparkle?]

"japan's famous person"

[because you can?]

"why do i eat soap"

[famous æmos]

"How to Become a Famous Emo in Middle School"

"How to Become a Famous Model"

"How to Become a Famous Rock Star"

"Steps for Becoming Famous"

[secret asian man]

"How to Make My Dick Longer Without Anybody Knowing"

Wednesday, April 22

"i'm 46 yr old and live with my mother who calls me lazy"
"how do i get my girlfriend to get fat"
"Girls How to Attract Hipster"

I can't tell with this one if it's:
  • "[hey] Girls, How to Attract Hipster?"
  • "[for] Girls [-] How to Attract Hipster"
  • "How to Attract Hipster [Girls]"
Either way, it's fucking retarded.

[sounds like a joke]

"What Do You Call a Hindu Princess?"


[having eliminated all other calories from her diet...]

"how many calories are in envelope glue?"

[this is why we have the internets. obviously]

"Really Really Really Fat People That Can't Walk Pictures"

[jerk rump]

"What Part of the Cow Does Beef Jerky Come From?"

[growing pains]

"how to clean the house while children are growing"

Tuesday, April 21

[homeland security]

"Protect Good Americans With Pepper Spray"

Monday, April 20

[get off the internet]

"how is the invention on hot chocolate change every day life?"

[thomas edisuck]

"have an invention. oprah help."

[the chances of...]

Chances of Winning the Lottery
What Are the Chances of Being Hit by Lightening?
What Are the Chances of Getting a Girl Pregnant?
What Are the Chances of Becoming a Pro Athlete?

Sunday, April 19

[when you just need to know]

"people are curious about you rico"

[self-righteous, misspelling fuck]

"I write songs not tradgeties"

[trivia time]

"what is the largest clitoris on record"

Saturday, April 18

[vs. healthy heathens]

"Christian Vitamins"

what the fuck? really? because you have a vitamin J deficiency? need a little cross on your vitamins like the kids at the all-night religious health raves? not everything comes in 'christian flavor.' go to CVS, get a bottle of regular vitamins like regular people, and shut the fuck up. enough from you.

[a fascinating niche]

"Children's Poetry About Moose"

i've never seen a moose
or an angle that's obtuse
but that's not to say
that all moose are gay
it's just what Jake told me
when i came back from the bathroom

[maybe you should call, like, a professional]

"armwa furniture building plans"

Friday, April 17

[get off the internet]

"the most interesting man in the world"

[go for it]

"performing cpr on yourself"

[he doesn't *look* canadian]

"people you wouldnt know are canadian"

Thursday, April 16

[it's only 12,110 lines of greek dactylic hexameter...]

"give me a summary of the Odyssey"

[ fetish alert]

"girls wearing high heels giving enemas stories"

[so needy, these people]

"I Want to Know the Lifestyle of Mexicans in Mexico"

"want to change evrything in my life"

"want to sing but i cant make my own song"

"i want to inquire about tickets to the masters golf tournament"

"I Want to Play Games Right Now"

[customer service]

"i got fake cocaine"

Monday, April 13

Sunday, April 12


"symptoms of change of life"
"how to get rid of holes on your face"

[access denied]

"how to check whether i m smart men"

[oy, where to start]

"what are fun things to do?"

"what to do"

Thursday, April 9

[i need it yesterday]

"how to make gloves for a princess"

[maybe, maybe on jupiter]

"can having sex under water pull your uterus out?"

Wednesday, April 8

[fetish alert]

"super mario porn"

Tuesday, April 7

[fetish alert, stiletto edition]

"stinky high heels without socks pics"
how one displays/gets off on 'stinky' in a photo is beyond my understanding, but long live the internets!
"stiletto high heels in pussy"

[aquaman's dark secret]

"can having sex under water pull your uterus out?"

Monday, April 6

[a slippery slope]

"can dogs go to see hotel for dogs movie?"

[who's asking?]

"can i breast-feed my husband?"

Friday, April 3

[fetish alert, boomer edition]

"gay leave it to beaver stories"
"how to make a fake vagina in the house"

[more than meets the eye]

"how could they let megatron kick the crap out of prime"


"how to be a bitch with style"
"how to use guilt to manipulate into affair relationship sex"
"can i look at porn 1 more time before i quit in islam"

[my girl likes to party all the time]

"girl used as sex toy at party"


"is obama really the first black president?"


"where can i find new balance steel toe tennis shoes?"

[i can think of two]

"41 things to do in a mens bathroom"

Thursday, April 2

[no, just guys]

"can a girl get in trouble for lying about rape?"

[trading for sex - make an offer]

"sex for bill payment"
"sex for books"
"sex for debt"
"sex for free with men wearing panties"

[fetish alert: pure gold]

"black man having sex with a penguin"

[it was nice meeting you]

"primates that greet each other by having sex"
"who was the first person ever to have breast cancer?"

[ambiguous at best, gratuitous at worst]

"where can i buy some fucking rabbits"

"i need fucking movie scripts"

[first stage is denial]

"yeah right my boobs are shrinking"

[what do you want the internet to do about it?]

"i got fake cocaine"

[dumb question about questions]

"what are the ten questions that every guy wishes his girlfriend would ask?"

[hold them responsible]

"who invented illigal drugs"

[not my problem]

"These Bastards Are Determined to Kill Me. I Need Money Now"

[inferring way too much from the title]

"can dogs go to see hotel for dogs movie?"

[not a budding romance novel writer]

"his long thick shaft entered my tight garter belt stockings high heels"

Wednesday, April 1

[masochis-dick fetish alert]

"girls grabbing guys balls"
"girls hitting guys balls"
"girls hurting guys balls"
"girls bitting guys balls"
"girls breaking guys balls barefooted"
"girls busting guys balls"
"girls crushing guys balls"
"girls kicking guys in the balls"
"girls kick guys balls for fun"

[safety first]

"How to safely smoke a cigarette in front of your baby"

[narrow it down from 25,000]

"restaurants for kids 12 years and up in new york city"

[wtf are you talking about]

"Facts about oklahoma the state not flights"